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MAKE SOME MOYES
Given their pick of opposition to equal Manchester City’s run of 18 straight wins in the Premier League, one suspects Liverpool would probably have plumped for West Ham. Under their self-professed “winner” of a manager David Moyes, the Hammers have failed to muster victory in any of their past six games and seem extremely unlikely to do anything of the sort on a cold and windy Monday night against the champions elect at Anfield. Currently one point from safety and with his team negotiating an extremely tough run of fixtures that looks likely to stretch to the end of this season and far into the next one, Moyes has conceded his players “have a job to do to stay up”. It is a job that has been made considerably more difficult by the shoulder-knack suffered by Ryan Fredericks against Manchester City last week, which means the right-back faces a prolonged spell on the sidelines.
Luckily, Moysie has options as he sets about the tricky business of containing Sadio Mané and must choose between picking Jeremy Ngakia, a 19-year-old with one senior appearance – against the same opposition – under his belt, or the vastly more experienced Pablo Zabaleta, 73, who moves with all the speed of a glacier. The former Everton boss has hinted it is the likeable veteran who will get the nod on Monday night in a managerial move that could almost be interpreted as workplace bullying. “I am keen to give the young players the opportunity,” Moyes said of Ngakia. “Ideally it would not be in this situation and at Anfield away or in this situation where we are in the league. Ideally, you would try to bed them in but it does not always come perfectly. Zabaleta, as you know, has been incredibly reliable and has a great personality when he plays.”
In the event that Zabaleta does manage to shackle Mané through the sheer force of his winning smile and scintillating repartee, West Ham must also concern themselves with stopping 10 other players on a team that is now so good their manager recently spoke of his concern that potential recruits might be too intimidated to join them. “On the one side, it’s easier if players see you as [the best in the world] because if they see you are successful, it’s easier to get into talks with players,” he said, before musing on the problems of being just too darned good looking. “But on the other side, it’s more difficult the better your team is because they ask questions like ‘where and when would I play?’”
Liverpool go into the West Ham game still stinging from their Big Cup defeat at the hands of Atlético Madrid last week, hoping to equal or break a series of records: most consecutive Premier League victories, most consecutive home wins and most fairly inconsequential records broken in a season. In the event of defeat or even an unlikely draw for West Ham, their “winner” of a manager will at least mark a little milestone of his own – 16 trips to Anfield as the boss of assorted teams without masterminding a single victory.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“There are going to be so few people left that we’ve asked the Guardia Civil to send patrols to watch over the houses” – Juan Antonio Redondo, Club Deportivo Becerril chief suit, on how almost the entire population of his club’s town took up Real Sociedad’s offer to travel en masse to watch them take on Valencia in La Liga. Here’s Sid Lowe with the full story.
FIVER LETTERS
“Cuddly crime author Bernard Cribbins could easily throw together another cloak and dagger classic, if this season is anything to go by. The Geordies are sleepwalking to relegation, just seven points above the drop, with the lowest pass completion rate, lowest number of attempts on goal, and joint fewest goals in the league; they are absolutely murder, he wrote” – Johnny Connelly.
“So, now we’ve had a review of the VAR review of the referee’s decision. How long before we get a review of the review of the VAR review of the referee’s decision … and so on. Just make it a review of a clear and obvious error and give the VAR a maximum 30 seconds to decide. Then we can get on with the game” – Peter Thew.
“I wonder when your campaign masterminds finally had enough. When clenched fists hit the boardroom table and Tin went flying everywhere. Enough of these shenanigans! Roll out the Video Assistant Referee and make it as maddening as possible. Start with ‘The Best League in the World TM’ just to really twist the knife in. STOP FOOTBALL!!!” – Jonathan Alphonsus.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Johnny Connelly.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly is here. Tickets are also on sale for the next live show in London.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Tyrell Robinson has been sacked by Bradford City after being charged with engaging in sexual activity with a child.
Tottenham say they would reopen investigations into Antonio Rudiger’s allegations of racist abuse from Spurs fans if any new information is found.
The English, Scottish and Northern Irish FAs have advised children under 12 not to head footballs in training.
Pep Guardiola is still simmering nicely. “Don’t ask me about the attitude of these guys,” roared the Manchester City boss after the 1-0 win over Leicester. “If you still doubt what they have done, seven titles in the last eight competitions, there are no doubts.”
Granit Xhaka has given himself a big pat on the back for restoring his damaged rep at Arsenal after he told Gunners fans to eff off last October. “I am not a guy who runs away,” he blathered. “I train very hard and that things turned around is the key. This [has given me] the most happiness.”
And Miembeni boss Mani Gamera has been suspended by Zanzibar’s FA for six months after celebrating his side’s win against his former employers Jang’ombe in the style of Weird Uncle Fiver on a three-day bender in Skegness.
STILL WANT MORE?
Joshua Law on the fight for justice by families of 10 Flamengo teenagers who died in a training ground fire 12 months ago.
Coronavirus hits Serie A leaving fixtures piling up and Inter falling behind, toots Nicky Bandini while Googling deals on face masks.
Bayern were too busy thinking about Chelsea in Big Cup to realise they were close to gifting a point to Paderborn, snorts Andy Brassell.
Mike Dean guesting on Peter Crouch’s podcast is Barry Glendenning’s new jam.
Nine talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action, and a 10th added at short order by Will Unwin when we remembered one of the games was tonight.
Bryan Cristante? To Arsenal? This and further Rumour Mill tittle-tattle of particular interest to Sheffield United, Liverpool, Southampton and Palace fans.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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