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THE DESCENT OF JAN
As declines go, Jan Vertonghen’s fall has been swift and vertiginous. Pretty much exactly one year ago, give or take a few days, the big Belgian was single-handedly destroying Borussia Dortmund with a drive and determination that would have made the early-80s Jan Ceulemans look like Kevin Mirallas. Fast forward a few months and he was making half-ar$ed jumps on the edge of his own box as Divock Origi set about bagging up Big Cup. And finally this week we were forced to witness his glum trudging through the slough of despond upon being hooked just after half-time against Southampton in the cup. Oh Jan. Be careful underfoot. Aieee!
Vertonghen traipsed back to the dugout with shoulders slumped and bottom lip a-wobblin’. He could barely look at Humility Man™ as the famously pally Spurs manager gave him a performative consoling pat on the back. He sat on the bench with fist on chin, the spitting image of Rodin’s Thinker, had the French sculptor channelled Generation Game era Bruce Forsyth instead of Michelangelo. His mood couldn’t have been helped by Tottenham’s instant transformation from a gaggle of barely competent, overly defensive lumps stealing a living into the sort of potent free-flowing organism not seen in N17 since the glory, glory days of Bill Nick. Come to think about it, his manager probably wasn’t best pleased with that transformation either, knowing how he rolls. But let’s not get too far off piste here.
Vertonghen’s dramatic reaction was widely interpreted as that of a man contemplating the end of the road at Spurs. His contract expires in the summer, and the club are doing the square root of eff all to extend it. He looked, quite frankly, like he’d given up. But on Friday morning there were signs of defiant stirring, with Tom de Mul de 15% sent out to tell the world that: “His reaction had nothing to do with his future. The door is still open. Jan still wants to achieve great things with Spurs. He is 32 but still very ambitious.” The ball’s back in HM™’s court, then. Whether he bothers to make even a token effort to return it is another matter altogether.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“When I think about myself, about my life, I realise that in the end I was lucky. I went through something, something different from normal life” – Adam Masina has got quite the story, which he tells to Simon Burnton.
FIVER LETTERS
“Talking of odd records being played at football grounds (Fiver letters passim), mention of The Laughing Policeman reminded me when, as the all new funky Radio Hornet of the early 80s and wanting something different to play between Z Cars and kick-off, we asked the Watford players to name their favourite record, which we duly broadcast while they were warming up. Eventually we got to Steve Harrison who, coming from a music hall background, selected Charles Penrose’s magnum opus which we sourced from a local record shop. During the warm-up, Harrison chose to imitate Mr Penrose, complete with gestures, much to the amusement of the crowd. But not to Graham Taylor, who suffered a rare humour bypass and publicly b0ll0cked Harrison in the local press. Happy days” – Adam Cummings.
“Some years ago, the Sheffield United team would come on to the pitch to the strident sounds of Tomoyasu Hotei’s Battle Without Honor Or Humanity, from the Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack. Unfortunately (or not), this was some time after this home fixture against West Brom in the 2001-02 season. Maybe it’s what gave them the idea” – Matty Weir.
“In the same way that the best thing about Slough is the M4 that takes you quickly elsewhere, the best thing about The Fiver is the links” – Bernard Clark.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Adam Cummings.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The latest Football Weekly Extra podcast is right here. And tickets are also on sale for the next live show in London.
Trouble at Barcelona, FA Cup replays and more
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Police have launched an investigation after a Newcastle fan appeared to expose himself during Tuesday’s FA Cup fourth-round replay victory at Oxford.
Safe standing across English football has come a step closer after a report found it had “a positive impact on spectator safety”.
FA suits have decided not to continue with an investigation into allegations that Liverpool employees hacked into Manchester City’s scouting system. “This is due to a number of factors including the age of the alleged concerns and the settlement agreed by the two clubs involved,” blurted a statement.
City boss Pep Guardiola, meanwhile, has got some cold water and isn’t afraid to pour it, especially if rumours linking Leo Messi with a move are in the vicinity. “I’m not going to talk about players for another club,” he tooted, talking about a player from another club. “I think he’s going to finish his career there, it’s my wish.”
For the first time since 2010, neither Barcelona nor Real Madrid will be in the Copa del Rey final, after Athletic Bilbao and Real Sociedad did for the pair. They join Granada and wildly over-rated Spanish sitcom Mirandés in the last four.
Fun and games in South America dept: the Brazilian cup tie between União and Atlético Goianiense was delayed when officials were forced to redraw the penalty box after players noted the 18-yard line at one end was nearer a 15-yard one.
And with back-to-back trips to Manchester City and Liverpool coming up, West Ham’s David Moyes is bringing the motivation. “All I can say is, you play everybody twice in the league and we have got a lot of other teams to play,” he chest-thumped.
STILL WANT MORE?
Dubai, the Maldives, Miami, LA, Marbella, Rush Green and, er, Dubai: what the Premier League is doing on its holidays during the winter break that isn’t really a winter break.
It was 50 years ago today that Manchester United beat Northampton 8-2 in the FA Cup. Barry Glendenning remembers when George Best ran riot with six goals.
Not much Premier League to savour? There’s always European football, and there are always 10 things.
Some match previews for you: Everton v Palace, plus Brighton v Watford.
Suzanne Wrack profiles Christine Sinclair, the Canadian with a surely unbeatable total of 186 international goals and counting.
Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi together at Juventus? That and not much more in a post-window Mill.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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