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HERE WE GO AGAIN
At his unveiling as Manchester United manager in July 2016, José Mourinho announced his intention to win the Premier League title, get his new team playing good football and promote youth, like so many United managers before him. It turns out talk, as they say, really is cheap even if hiring José is anything but.
A little over two years, several epic tantrums and sulks, plus a couple of dismantled Lowry Hotel Corby Trouser Presses later, he was unceremoniously shown the door. He had no Premier League titles to show for his time at the club and his expensively assembled team had been playing some of the most eye-bleedlingly turgid, belt-and-braces, safety-first football ever witnessed at Old Trafford. But hey, on the flip side, he won the Milk Cup and Big Vase, while the fairly bang average Scott McTominay had emerged from the youth team to establish himself as a first-team regular … which is a lot more than can be said for most of the charlatans José insisted on wasting the larger part of £390m of the club’s money on across five transfer windows.
While the José that lived out his final days as United boss was something of an ashen-faced, unkempt, scowling, embittered and preposterously paranoid figure, the José that sat before the press for his first press conference as Tottenham Hotspur manager could scarcely have been more different. Tanned and beaming, he was a vision in mauve and blue, seated centre-stage alongside a media liaison officer who had the weary air about him of a man who knows with some certainty that there will be much, much tougher times ahead.
While only time will tell whether or not his managerial powers have dwindled, José remains box office and there were several hundred journalists at Tottenham’s training centre to watch a bravura performance in which the 56-year-old delivered one of his most convincing performances to date. “I have had time to think of many things,” he said of his 11 months in the managerial wilderness. “I am stronger, I am relaxed, I am motivated. I am ready and I think the players felt that in two days. I am ready to support them, this is not about me. It is about the club. I am here to try and help everyone. In life you go through periods like this, where it’s not about myself, it’s about my players and my club.”
Another 40 minutes of similarly zen platitudes is unlikely to have fooled anyone among the cynical bunch being addressed, who have seen it all before, several times. A towering opening performance of his one-man adaptation of The Little Book of Calm complete, the real work towards securing that multi-million-pound severance package starts now.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The native doctor told me that the cause of [toe-gah] was because I stepped on a spiritual object in Leone Stars camp, put there for me by a person who wanted me to get elephantiasis thereby destroying my career. She further told me that if I had gone to the hospital for treatment or had used conventional medicine to try and heal the toe that would have ended my career” – Sierra Leone striker Mohamed Buya Turay claims he missed the Africa Cup of Nations qualifying defeat to Benin last week due to black magic-knack.
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FIVER LETTERS
“After all these years, I’ve finally got something in common with José Mourinho. It appears neither of us will have any money to spend in January” – Tony Crawford.
“I don’t suppose you and your fellow scribes could get together and agree not to interview or quote or take any notice at all of the new Tottenham manager. Or are you all slavering at the thought of so many pages of ‘sport’ filling themselves, while us lower-league followers get sod all news from the nationals” – Peter Hehir.
“Re: yesterday’s Quote of the Day. Wales Golf Madrid sounds like it could be the title of a follow-up to Wilco’s 2002 album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (which, incidentally, features a song called I Am Trying to Break Your Heart). Cue: Gareth Bale heart celebration” – Peter Oh.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Tony Crawford, who bags a copy of The Overcoat Men. We’ve got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Players in the top two divisions of Dutch football will stand still for the first minute of matches this weekend as a protest against racism.
Liverpool are to stage a public consultation into proposals to expand Anfield’s capacity beyond 60,000 by rebuilding the Anfield Road stand.
Granit Xhaka could be back in the Arsenal side for Saturday’s home match against Southampton. “He is feeling better and also feeling that his team is Arsenal now,” tooted Unai Emery. “Little by little, we can help him come back and connect with us and our supporters.”
Since the dawn of time, Nicolás Gaitán has been linked with moves to Manchester United. Now West Ham, Aston Villa and Sheffield United are sniffing around the Argentinian.
And Taunton Town are through to the third round of the Southern League Challenge Cup after an English record-tying penalty shoot-out win over Truro City. “Thirty-four minutes, 34 penalties and then I had to rebuild the penalty spot afterwards. It was mad,” cheered Taunton chairman and groundsman Kevin Sturmey after they won 12-11. “We had two opportunities to win it on penalties 32 and 33 and missed them both; one would have been signalled a wide in cricket.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Your latest serving of red-hot Spurs/Mourinho content includes David Hytner on the things that Big Dan Levy and José have in common, plus Ben McAleer on the likely winners, losers and potential signings of his tenure.
Ed Aarons and Pippo Russo look into the multi-million pound operations of XXIII Capital, the offshore-based company changing the face of football transfers.
Niall McVeigh on why yer old-school centre-forwards are back in fashion.
The WSL salary cap is losing its relevance amid rapid change, says Suzanne Wrack.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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Tickets are still available for the Football Weekly Christmas Special [on 27 November! – Fiver Grinch Ed], live in London. Get them here.
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