Autographs and a flashmob: just another day in world football | Soccer

‘LOOK AT THE STARS …’

It has been a special day for fans of novelty bookings, reeling as they are from the glorious double-whammy of watching Panama’s Cecilio Waterman get cautioned in the early hours of Britain’s Friday morning for the crime of hugging Thierry Henry, before New Zealand’s Chris Wood pulled off the genuinely special achievement of getting his name in the referee’s notebook for putting his name in other people’s notebooks.

Waterman scored with Panama’s first and only shot on target, in the fourth minute of stoppage time, to knock the three-time reigning champions USA USA USA out of the Concacaf Nations League semi-finals, before making a beeline for the ESPN pundits who were perched on a dais behind the goal. “My idol has always been Thierry Henry,” Waterman cooed. “I watched him play at Arsenal and the truth is, ever since I was a young kid he has been an inspiration for me. Since I was a boy. I scored the goal and I knew I had to come and say hi.” The moment the pair shared was so warm and life-affirming that Henry described it as among the most special of his career. “I scored goals, I won stuff, I lost stuff. But that is going to be up there with everything,” the Frenchman said. Nice story. Get in the book.

A large ocean away and just a few hours later, Wood bagged a hat-trick as New Zealand thrashed Fiji 7-0 in the semis of the Oceania World Cup qualifiers, was substituted with half an hour to play and, instead of immediately returning to the bench, ducked into the stands to sign some autographs. As far as the referee, Polynesia’s Norbert Hauata, was concerned these fan-distracting antics while a vaguely competitive match was still ongoing constituted the bookable offence of showing a lack of respect for the game. “If that’s the rules, that’s the rules,” Wood sniffed. “Just doing something nice.”

Now Wood turns his attention to doing something horrible: ruining the dreams of aspiring history-makers New Caledonia (and also those of literally dozens of football hacks) in Monday’s final. While the success of the All Whites is all well and good, any journalist who remembers the days and weeks that followed Iceland’s surprise qualification for the 2018 World Cup must be hoping that the Cagous – nicknamed after the frankly inexplicable carnivorous flightless bird unique to their rainforests – spring a surprise.

For those who have forgotten, Icelanders could barely move after they became the smallest (by population) nation ever to qualify for a major competition, such was the influx of journalists seeking an explanation for their odds-defying success. General consensus was that it was down to the granite spirit engendered by life on a barren, icy outcrop in the north Atlantic. “Icelandic people long ago came to terms with life as a struggle,” read one article. “Iceland, a desolate island, was one of the last bits of Europe settled by humans. That spirit of struggle – against the elements, against the geographic isolation – has remained.” Now it could be happening again, only with a nation whose population is: a) barely three-quarters the size of Iceland’s; and b) lives on a beach-blessed Pacific atoll. Perhaps the answer is as simple as a lack of anything else to do: second place on Lonely Planet’s list of the must-see attractions in New Caledonia is the Pont de Mouli, which connects the north and south of the island of Ouvea, and which the nation’s tourist board boasts is “13m wide and features a double lane, two bike lanes and two sidewalks”. Surely with more dedicated investigation a better explanation is possible, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The identity, the clarity, the rhythm, the repetition of patterns, the freedom of player, the expression of player, the hunger. They were more afraid to drop out of the tournament in my observation than having the excitement and hunger to win” – new boss Thomas Tuchel isn’t sitting on the fence when it comes to his assessment of what was missing from England’s Euros under Gareth Southgate.

Two things. First, thank you for the link to the A-Team episode (yesterday’s Football Daily) which I watched till the end, meaning it was the most I’d watched of that superb entertainment in more than 35 years. Secondly, you plugged the Greece v Scotland game (Live on Big Website) but didn’t predict a score. Maybe you didn’t want to alienate your Scottish reader with a negative prediction? Second leg prediction: we’ll lose 2-0” – Andy Morrison.

I’m sure Football Daily’s inbox will be flooded with odes to their favourite A-Team episodes (yesterday’s Football Daily). Not me. I’m simply enthralled by your rather baroque lean into 19th century military strategy – per Google, attributed to Field Marshal Helmuth von Moltke – with the ‘no plan survives contact with the enemy’ line regarding Thomas Tuchel’s World Cup strategy. However, you could’ve simply quoted Mike Tyson for the more relatable statement that ‘everyone has a plan until they’re punched in the mouth’” – Mike Wilner.

Can Anthony Barry’s watching of 16,154 throw-ins (yesterday’s Football Daily) be even slightly less interesting than the reading here of all 16,154 letters from Noble Francis?” – Nigel Sanders.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Andy Morrison. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, can be viewed here.