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‘BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT LIVIN’ IS’
Football Daily can’t help but yearn for the days when footballers weren’t particularly interested in walls. Back in 1978, the players of West Brom went on what was, at the time, a trailblazing end-of-season tour to China. Having taken 90 hours to get there on a combination of planes, trains and automobiles, on one of their free days the Baggies were somewhat reluctantly taken to visit the Great Wall of China, prompting an accompanying BBC documentary crew to ask midfielder John Trewick for his impression of the famous fortification. “When you’ve seen one wall you’ve seen ‘em all, haven’t you?” came the response. And while Trewick insists his deadpan appraisal was made with tongue firmly ensconced in cheek, it is a quote that continues to haunt him.
Whether he was joking or not, Sky Sports viewers will have been pining for somebody with Trewick’s perceived lack of curiosity in bulwarks during the tedious discussions regarding how far Arsenal’s defensive wall was away from the ball when Bruno Fernandes scored with the free-kick that put Manchester United ahead just before half-time in their 1-1 draw at Old Trafford on Sunday. Having clocked in real time that it appeared to be further back than the regulation 10 yards, co-commentator Gary Neville later established it had been forced to retreat almost 44 inches further back than was necessary by Anthony Taylor. Fernandes promptly took advantage of Taylor’s largesse, getting the ball up-and-down over this distant defensive speck of humanity on the horizon and into the enormous gaping chasm into which Arsenal’s goalkeeper, David Raya, had more or less invited him to kick it.
Almost certainly the kind of tourist who, if on a visit to the Great Wall, could be counted on to get out his trundle wheel and check for sure upon being told it measures 13,171 miles in length, Neville quickly got the bit between his teeth. Having established with the help of off-screen staff that Arsenal’s wall had been further back than required, he set about ensuring that almost all of the half-time and much of the full time talk was devoted to the excruciating and tedious minutiae of this fairly minor discrepancy. “When the ball goes over the wall that low and goes into the net that low, you know something is wrong,” he chirped, even if the players and coaching staff from both teams didn’t seem to share his dismay at the latest outrageous injustice visited upon the Gunners by officialdom. Indeed, even the conspiracy theorist contingent among Arsenal’s fanbase didn’t seem that fussed.
“Very good,” smirked Christian Eriksen, in his post-match interview upon being asked what he thought about Fernandes’ strike. “I’m happy that the wall was about 15 yards away.” The United midfielder’s manager was also able to see the funny side, while neither Mikel Arteta nor Declan Rice seemed particularly bothered, despite the best attempts of Sky’s dogged post-match interrogator to goad them into a state of outrage. “It did feel far back,” declared Rice under the pressure of intense interrogation before failing to deliver any sought-after fume. “Even on our free-kick, when Martin [Ødegaard] took it, they felt far back.” And so, one presumes it’s back to the drawing board for our match referee, Taylor, when it comes to pacing out short distances. Although exactly how far back remains to be seen.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Whenever people come in, I say ‘just make sure you don’t touch that one’, because I will never open it. I think I’ll take it with me for life. It’s funny, because a few people pick it up and have a look at it. It’s like an ornament for me. I should get a glass case around it” – Josh Harrop gets his chat on with Will Unwin about scoring at Old Trafford on his solitary Manchester United appearance and why, for almost eight years, his man-of-the-match champagne has never been popped.
Have you considered creating a feedback form to send to writers of unpublished Football Daily letters? You could check any of following boxes, as appropriate: a) not funny; b) too long; c) offensive; d) not written by Noble Francis; e) links to a webpage we don’t want to link to; f) we received another letter on the same subject that was not in violation of a) through e) above. Asking for a friend” – R Reisman.
Although a weekend piece on Big Website seems to think The Overlap podcast has ‘popular, watchable content’ and yet instantly contradicts itself by saying ‘it has shown Roy Keane’s human side’ – which is surely something no one wants to see – I still maintain the only interesting bits in the three episodes I listened to in the audio version were a hilariously wooden advert for a nutrition drink by Gary Neville and an equally leaden reading of an ad for microwaveable rice by Jamie Carragher. So terrible that they almost bordered on a clever satire of podcasters having to lower themselves to hawking rubbish that they clearly don’t like to the listening public. Almost …” – Noble Francis.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … R Reisman. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, can be viewed here.
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For the love of pod, it’s the latest Football Weekly.
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